1. Touching the toilet brush. Why the toilet brush?!
2. Touching the plunger. (see number 1 for similar sentiment)
3. Grabbing knives from the basket inside of the dishwasher the second I open the door.
4. Touching dirty cutting boards with raw chicken water on them when I open the dishwasher.
5. Playing with the vacuum hose and brushes.
6. Touching the mop head. Not the handle, the head.
7. Putting their hands inside of the toilet and playing with the water. Aaaaaaaah!
8. My 1-year old using my toddler’s potty as a ten gallon hat.
9. My toddler grabbing his stream of pee while he is peeing. He told me that thinks it’s funny to try to catch it.
10. Grabbing and trying to run away with scissors. No matter how careful I am while using them, someone always seems to get their hands on the scissors.
11. Touching and pulling the knobs on the stove.
12. Pulling mugs, glasses, plates and bowls off of the counter. Growth spurts happen overnight. I’m usually left standing there thinking “since when can she reach the high up?”
13. Grabbing a tool I may be using, especially the hammer. One time while I was hanging a picture my toddler picked up the hammer I was using and he broke a hole in the wall in our kitchen. He then said “Papa, you need to fix the wall, it broke”. Thanks buddy.
14. Throwing cell phones. Maybe in the early 2000’s it would not have been so bad because of the tiny flip phones, but it hurts to get hit with an iPhone 6 Plus. Believe me, I know.
15. Throwing an assortment of hard and soft objects at the ceiling fan, while it’s on of course.
16. Insisting on touching radiators. They are now all covered up or barricaded.
17. Playing with electrical outlets. They’re all plugged up, but that doesn’t take away from their fascination.
18. Playing wildly with extension cords, string, neck ties, twisted bed sheets or cell phone chargers. All equally as scary!
19. Throwing heavy objects down the stairs, especially when someone is at the bottom.
20. Pulling my dirty underwear from the hamper and putting it on their head. This is one I am going to repeatedly remind them of when they are super cool teenagers!
21. Digging in the trash.
The list could go on and on, but these are definitely the most common offenses in our house. I find that my wife and I rarely sit down and this list is why. After getting off of the couch for the 16th time in an hour there just doesn’t seem to be any point to sitting at all.
Sometimes I find myself buzzing around aimlessly like a lost bee because I know the second I hit the couch I am going to hear a door creek, something crash, or see my daughter running out of a room with something she shouldn’t have while manically laughing.